Do you remember the last time someone gave you a compliment? If not, it might be because you refused to absorb the compliment, and instead deflected it as inconsequential or even unearned.
In our society, humility is still considered a virtue. But politically correct humility doesn’t benefit anyone. For example, if someone admires your new haircut, do you say something like, “My hair never does what it’s supposed to do!”? Or if a colleague at work mentions your great input during a meeting, do you quickly minimize the compliment by saying something like, “I’m lucky I didn’t stick my entire foot in my mouth!”?
Why do people do this? Perhaps it’s because adults simply feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed when someone gives them a compliment. Still, blowing off compliments is a self-defeating behavior, not only because you don’t get to enjoy the associated self-esteem boost, but because it can keep you from reflecting on what you did or said that earned the positive response.
We all need positive feedback, and compliments are just that. They should be savored, and you can easily respond with a simple “thank you!” Also, don’t forget that the benefits of a compliment go both ways, since the person offering the kind words derives pleasure as well. This means that when you deflect a compliment that someone thought about and took the time to mention to you, you are discounting his or her opinion and stealing enjoyment from both of you.
Start Practicing Now
Since deflecting compliments may be a long-standing habit, it can take some practice to get comfortable accepting them instead. Start practicing now! Visualize the last time someone complimented you – or imagine how your next compliment might occur – and practice a genuine smile and a thankful response.
Deflecting compliments is such a conditioned response that you will have to literally re-train yourself to accept compliments by thinking about them as great self-esteem boosters that you are both thankful for and delighted to receive!
One way to control your automatic impulse to deflect is to learn to take a deep breath before you respond to a compliment. This will give you a chance to remind yourself to smile, look the person in the eye, and say, “Thank you! I really appreciate that!” or something similar.
You will likely find that the person who gave you the compliment smiles right back as they say a hearty “You’re welcome!” It becomes a self-esteem booster for both parties, and something to think back on and enjoy.
Keep a Compliment Journal
Why not take it a step further? When we deflect compliments, they don’t really register, and we quickly forget about them. But once you learn to accept compliments, you not only remember them, but you might want to start a compliment journal to look back on when you need an extra self-esteem boost! This can be especially beneficial on those days when you feel like everything is going wrong, or you are simply feeling down in the dumps.
A compliment journal can also provide additional benefits: It can help you to better see your strengths and identify the positive qualities you want to build on. It can also remind you of the people in your life who are most supportive, and who are especially good at reflecting positive images of yourself back to you!
Compliments are terrific self-esteem boosters and should be enjoyed to the fullest! And don’t forget to compliment yourself as well! When you know you have accomplished something that you have worked hard for – such as losing those last 10 pounds, running your first 5K, or earning a promotion at work – don’t forget to give yourself a mental pat on the back to remind yourself what a great job you did. You deserve it!
