It’s a familiar situation: you planned to order a healthy dinner, you knowwhat the healthy choice is and why you should have it, and yet you choose the cheeseburger instead of the salad. When it comes to making food choices, many people experience a gap between their intention to eat well and their ability to do it. It usually has little to do with a lack of knowledge about nutrition or general deficits in decision-making skills. So what is the missing link that can derail our food choices? Put simply, emotional intelligence, or EQ.
Emotional intelligence has nothing to do with your academic performance, how highly trained you are, or how much experience you’ve amassed, yet is one of the most important predictors of success in life. EQ is a set of skills that includes the ability to perceive, understand, manage, and express one’s emotions effectively. And, there is evidence that it can help you make more discerning food choices1.
In an environment where food is omnipresent, we must make an unprecedented number of decisions about whether and what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat. The typical person makes an average of 250 decisions about food every day2. Is it any wonder that our emotions can get tangled up in all that? While we all know that eating more fruits and vegetables and opting for fewer processed foods are healthier choices, this rational decision-making can get hijacked when we are unaware of how we are feeling or unable to effectively regulate or manage our emotions. Fortunately, emotional intelligence can be developed and improved over time.
So, what do emotionally intelligent eaters do?
They are aware of their emotions and how they impact their decisions about eating
Perhaps you are someone who walks into the kitchen, opens the freezer and spoons out ice cream only to suddenly realize you’ve eaten the whole container and wonder, “Why did I do that?” One of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, or the ability to tune into and understand what is happening internally. Emotionally intelligent eaters notice when they are feeling stressed, and as a result may be vulnerable to emotional eating, but are able to employ strategies like getting out of the kitchen to play with the dog because they know it helps soothe them.
They keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check
Emotionally intelligent eaters respond rather than react. They are able to calm down and think by managing stress and “dialing down” strong emotions before making decisions or taking action. They utilize strategies (e.g., taking a walk, mediating, calling a friend) to work through or lessen the intensity of feelings instead of taking it out on others or immediately turning to food for comfort.
They can adapt to the unexpected
Even when there is a change in routine, emotionally intelligent eaters are able to go with the flow without deviating from their healthy eating plan. If they are asked to dine out or attend a last-minute party, they are able to find healthy options without feeling deprived or resentful. They do not feel the need to rigidly adhere to a specific regimen or get thrown off track with their eating when things do not go as planned.
They say “no” to themselves and others
Emotionally intelligent people exercise their right to say no. They understand from experience that having a second helping of dinner or eating the deliciously gooey dessert offered to them while still feeling full from dinner will deter them from their goals and lead to negative consequences. Rather than inviting doubt by saying, “I don’t know…maybe just one little bite …” and thus setting themselves up for difficulty staying on track, they understand that relying on willpower is not an effective strategy in the long run, so they make sure that they manage their environment in a way that helps them succeed.
They are persistent in pursuing goals, despite obstacles or setbacks
It can be tempting when things don’t go as planned to throw up your hands and admit defeat (“What the heck–I already ate one meal to the point of feeling over-full, , I may as well indulge the whole weekend!”). When it comes to effective weight management, emotionally intelligent eaters recognize that persistence is more important than perfection. They focus on the long-term benefits and remember that lifestyle change is a marathon—not a sprint. This means that when they don’t eat perfectly, they are able to see it as just a temporary slip that does not have to get them completely off track and they keep on going.
They are compassionate towards their own and others’ struggles
While all of us have the occasional negative or self-critical thought (“I should have done better,” “I can’t believe I did it again,” “I’m pathetic”), emotionally intelligent eaters have the ability to keep negative thoughts in check before those thoughts have a chance to settle in and set up camp. They have awareness that they—like everyone—struggle at times and counter self-sabotaging thoughts with understanding and kindness. They are able to see a slip as an opportunity for improvement rather than an excuse to berate themselves with harsh judgments.
They balance their needs with the needs of others
We all exist within a social context, which means we need to be able to not only handle ourselves, but we must manage our relationships with others as well. In the realm of eating, people who are emotionally intelligent navigate social situations with skill and can decline food tactfully and respectfully when other people encourage them to eat. They are also able to recognize that others may have needs that differ from their own (e.g., if a spouse or child prefers other foods) without permitting others’ needs and preferences to overrule their own.
For more help with emotionally intelligent eating, check out EatQ: Unlock the Weight-Loss Power of Emotional Intelligenceby Susan Albers.
Related posts: 5 Tips for Breaking Free of Mindless Eating, Tools for Reducing Emotional Eating
References:
- Peter, P.C. & Brinberg, D. (2012). Learning Emotional Intelligence: An exploratory study in the domain of health. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 42 (6), 1394-1414.
- Wansink, B. & Sobal, J. (2007). Mindless eating: The 200 daily food decisions we overlook. Environment and Behavior, 39 (1), 106-123.
